Maybe It Isn't That Bad
MSN Dating & Personals - The Marrying Man
Rutgers University - The State of Our Unions
I know that I started out this blog trashing psychological research on relationships. I should know better than to indulge in hyperbole. OK, I apologize to all of you hardworking researchers out there. But, here's one piece of research that I thought needed sharing.
What got my attention a couple of weeks ago was this article, "MSN Dating & Personals - The marrying man"> by Margot Carmichael Lester. Margot is a contributor for Playboy Magazine and has extensively written about relationships for quite a while now. The article is a very lively and interesting description of a part of a study by The National Marriage Project at Rutgers University called "The State of Our Unions". Margot addresses the trends of marriageable men in her article. (If you are interested, I suggest you read the article for yourself.) However, after reading Margot's piece, I was intrigued, and went to the Rutgers Website to see the original article. If you’re interested, here’s the website: http://marriage.rutgers.edu/.
So, here's the good news. While the odds of getting divorced remains fairly high, close to the 50% mark we're all familiar with, these researchers have produced a table of statistics called "Your Chances of Divorce May be Much Lower Than You Think". The authors of the study make the point that:
1) Having an income of $50,000 or more decreases your chance of divorce by about 30%,
2) Having a baby 7 months or more after marriage decreases your chances of divorce by 24%,
3) Waiting until you are 25 years old to marry decreases your chances of divorce by 24%,
4) If your own parents are not divorced, your chances of divorce decrease by 14%,
5) If you are religiously affiliated, your chances of divorce decrease by 14%,
6) If you have some college education, your chances of divorce decrease by 13%.
Finally, they conclude that if you meet the criteria for all six risk reduction factors "your chances of getting divorced are very low indeed".
One of the unfortunate attitudes that I find among my individual clients who want to get married and couples who are in premarital counseling is an almost fatalistic view that their marriage probably won’t last their lifetime. However, as this report indicates, only one factor is totally out of a person's control -- whether or not your parents are divorced. Making the decision to wait until you are emotionally mature, making wise choices about sex and children out of wedlock, obtaining your education, choosing to affiliate with a religious community and waiting to get financially stable are all choices that we can make and work toward.
Perhaps having a lifelong partner is not about odds at all. Perhaps it's about making the right choices.
Rutgers University - The State of Our Unions
I know that I started out this blog trashing psychological research on relationships. I should know better than to indulge in hyperbole. OK, I apologize to all of you hardworking researchers out there. But, here's one piece of research that I thought needed sharing.
What got my attention a couple of weeks ago was this article, "MSN Dating & Personals - The marrying man"> by Margot Carmichael Lester. Margot is a contributor for Playboy Magazine and has extensively written about relationships for quite a while now. The article is a very lively and interesting description of a part of a study by The National Marriage Project at Rutgers University called "The State of Our Unions". Margot addresses the trends of marriageable men in her article. (If you are interested, I suggest you read the article for yourself.) However, after reading Margot's piece, I was intrigued, and went to the Rutgers Website to see the original article. If you’re interested, here’s the website: http://marriage.rutgers.edu/.
So, here's the good news. While the odds of getting divorced remains fairly high, close to the 50% mark we're all familiar with, these researchers have produced a table of statistics called "Your Chances of Divorce May be Much Lower Than You Think". The authors of the study make the point that:
1) Having an income of $50,000 or more decreases your chance of divorce by about 30%,
2) Having a baby 7 months or more after marriage decreases your chances of divorce by 24%,
3) Waiting until you are 25 years old to marry decreases your chances of divorce by 24%,
4) If your own parents are not divorced, your chances of divorce decrease by 14%,
5) If you are religiously affiliated, your chances of divorce decrease by 14%,
6) If you have some college education, your chances of divorce decrease by 13%.
Finally, they conclude that if you meet the criteria for all six risk reduction factors "your chances of getting divorced are very low indeed".
One of the unfortunate attitudes that I find among my individual clients who want to get married and couples who are in premarital counseling is an almost fatalistic view that their marriage probably won’t last their lifetime. However, as this report indicates, only one factor is totally out of a person's control -- whether or not your parents are divorced. Making the decision to wait until you are emotionally mature, making wise choices about sex and children out of wedlock, obtaining your education, choosing to affiliate with a religious community and waiting to get financially stable are all choices that we can make and work toward.
Perhaps having a lifelong partner is not about odds at all. Perhaps it's about making the right choices.
posted by Jacob Spilman, LPC, LMFT at 5:02 PM
<< Home